The Real (Desperate) Housewives of SLO County:

Some people are just so fucking unbelievable, I tell you.

Sheila's actual 'party' was Saturday, in a suite at Shore Cliff. It was a wonderful room and the view was so awesome! Her friend Molly outdid herself in decorating and taking care of alot of the details, and others really helped by jumping in upon arrival to assist.

The party itself ended up not having any real 'flow' to it, despite the various emails we'd been sent telling us to expect otherwise. No biggie. Sheila says she had a great time and that's all that matters.

There was the telling of stories and the opening of gifts and laughing and drinking and laughing and jello shots and eventually a small poker game to end the evening. There was even farting! Women can be as gross as men, lemme tell ya.

As the evening progressed, I kept getting an odd vibe from two different groups - one group consisted of Sheila's sister (R) and R's two best friends. The other group was two ladies that I didn't know at all (J & K). J & K had elected to get their own room right next to the suite because one of them (dunno which) has some medical condition that made her uncomfortable to share a place with a bunch of strangers. Whatever - I don't care.

J & K kept leaving the party to either 1) go back to their room or 2) smoke 5 cigarettes back-to-back. Sometimes the only socializing they would do with the rest of the group would be the stroll from their room onto our suite's patio.

I found the whole thing weird. Were they there to isolate with just each other or were they there to be at their friend's birthday party?

The other group, of R and her friends (C & A) kinda were doing the same thing, except they didn't have their own hotel room to go to - they'd just keep moving from one of the suite's bedrooms, all isolated, to a different deck outside. They'd laugh and joke and were obviously having a rip-roaring great time . . . just with themselves.

To me, it was every stereotypical 'High School campus lunchtime scene' from the movies. All about the cliques.

J (of J & K) had originally offered to be the poker game dealer but about 11:30pm, after another round of 'smoke 5 cigarettes on the deck having just come back from their own room' episode, they both come in and announce they're going back to their room to go to bed. Nighty night.

All told, out of about 5.5 hours I was around those two, they spend probably 1.5 hours actually interacting with the group. Again, I thought it was odd as hell, but I don't know these chicks so whatever.

The whole evening felt 'disjointed'. I was so uncomfortable I didn't even drink much, and for me . . . that's really saying something! Vacation - just the girls - safe hotel room - no responsibilities - and yet I wasn't comfortable enough to get my drunk on.

The party plan was that some people chose to pay to sleep over in the suite. There were about six of us total that opted for the sleepover part (not counting the two chicks with their own room next door). Sheila's sister R was one of us, and the rest were the women who didn't ever give me that weird vibe.

In the morning, we were all lounging and chatting about the night before and I'm kinda half listening and doing something else. R was talking about 'reading' and 'books' and 'blahblahblah' and I looked up to comment that I had never known she was so into reading. As I glance up I see her make the universal symbol of smoking a joint - you know, finger & thumb together, up against lips.

I like to have fell over with shock. Is she saying what I think she's saying?

So, me being me, I interrupted to say OUT LOUD "so, R, are you telling me everytime you go on about 'reading a book' that's code for 'smoking a joint'?" "Well, yeah" she says in a real 'boy are you slow' tone of voice.

Get this! This whole 'reading a book' code shit is so that her and her friends can talk about getting high - when they did, when they're going to, whatever - IN FRONT OF THEIR KIDS.

Ayup. I ain't even fucking with you. I've known this woman for like six goodgoddamn years. I've known her friends C & A for like 4 or so.

You just really never know a person, ya know?

So, here I am being blown away by THAT news but I got over it. Ends up they were smoking pot out on the balcony the night before and that's why everything was so frigg'n hilarious all night long. :eyeroll:

My vacation ends, and I get on the road to go home. Now, this drive from Pismo Beach to my craptacular town is pretty much the boringest thing going. About Utica Hwy I called The Mike to have him keep me company on the phone while I drove.

To make conversation, he, of course, asks me if any of the women had made drunken asses of themselves. I relayed the story of one party-goer (this chick invited two COMPLETELY FUCKING DRUNK STRANGERS into our suite to eat our food) and then I told him about the two women that were to themselves and seemed to only care about going to their room and to the deck.

"They were doing coke" he states.

"Nuh Uh!" I so wittily retort.

"Whatever AJ, but they were doing cocaine".

"Mike, you always think the worst of people".

"I'm telling you I know that behavior and they were doing coke".

"I'ma call Sheila and ask her - she'll tell me".

So I called Sheila. She told me she was kinda thinking the same thing, but didn't know. She called another friend that knows J better to ask her.

Fucking A. The Mike was right. Those dumb cunts were doing COCAINE at my best friend's 40th birthday party.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

K (of the J & K Wonder Drug Duo) had talked to me at one point about authors and Los Angeles and I even showed her Laurie Perry's book to which she expressed interest in purchasing.

It was all fake in my opinion.

These are middle class (upper middle class?) wives and mothers. Women who looked at me askance for knitting and saying I don't like kids.

Coke-whore and pot-head breeders versus childfree knitters. That choice is a no-brainer.

Tomorrow I'll be more positive, I promise. This has really been eating at me and I had to get it out.